08 September 2013

Crap my patients tell me: Part 2

1. After I told my patient that she shouldn't get up to the bathroom without assistance: "I don't need advice from young girls. Young girls need advice from ME." Haha well alright then, cranky. 

2. I walked into a patient's room to find that she had taken her hospital gown off...  Me: "Oh! You're naked." Patient: "SSHH! Be quiet!" Usually the response I get when I say this is "Yeah it was hot" or something, so hers just stood out as extra hilarious to me.

3. Me: "Do you have any pain?" Patient: "No, but I'm real sore and my back is hurting." 

4. Me: "What is your pain level on a scale of 1-10?" Patient: "A zero and a ten." Uhhh...

5. Patient: "What's my temperature?" Me: "98.4" Patient: "Oh good! It was 300 when I first came in to the ER." 

6. Patient: "Wow! It's 7-13-13, what an unlucky day...just wait until 13-13-13!"

7. A patient yelled at me rudely and I told him not to talk to me like that. He said: "I wasn't yellin' I was screechin!" 

7. The following conversation was overheard in the cafeteria. Cafeteria worker: "Hey um, whats up with that flood out in the parking lot?" Security guard: "Oh, a man hit a fire hydrant with his car. He left his car, and tried to run though. I was looking around for the person who did it...and happened to find a man casually standing outside the ER soaking wet..."


7 comments

Whitney M. @ The Married Me said...

I totally understand what you mean about patient's being interesting. I was putting an older patient back to bed and she was using a walker and I was having her move closer to the head of the bed so that she wouldn't need pulled up. As I'm telling her to get closer to the head of the bed before sitting down she says to me "Well if you weren't so fat I could." I just looked at her like you have got to be kidding me. I weigh less than 140 lbs and I wasn't even obstructing her. She was one of those types who had an odd sense of humor and I just choose to ignore her but I was just stunned.

Katie said...

Hahaha! My favorite is the patient with the 300 degree temperature! So special.

scrapperjen said...

These are fantastic! I hope you're saving these for a book.

Stephanie said...

Hahahahah! Oh my...it's never dull!

Erica said...

Some of these made me laugh! The things people say... I wish I'd made a list of things I heard from the kids I taught!

Rachel said...

Hilarious! Are you a Psychiatric Nurse?

Ashley R said...

So funny!

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