I've always looked forward to my golden birthday. I think we all have an age as kids that we look forward to and think "I can't wait to be ___ years old, then I can do ___!" Well mine was 23. By the time I was 23, I was going to have a pink house, two doberman pinschers, a fluffy bathrobe, a husband, and a preggo belly. Seriously, that was my vision.
23 happens to be my favorite number, and the fact that I would be having my "golden" 23rd birthday on the 23rd always made it even more special. Early this year when we started trying, I started getting excited about turning 23 again. I thought for sure I'd be pregnant by then (now). Then we got the house earlier than we expected and I was like "Could it be...are things actually falling in to place by my golden birthday like I imagined they would?" I even started planning my party in like February and everyone made fun of me for getting excited too early.
Then I got discouraged about the whole "not pregnant" thing that I kind of lost interest. Now my golden birthday is 4 days away and I don't feel like celebrating. To top it off, I have a bunch of pink and gold party decorations that won't get used... oh and I have an appointment tomorrow (is the weekend BEFORE your birthday or after the official birthday weekend?) with a psychiatrist to see if I'm bipolar or not. My primary physician's money is on yes. Haha! Fun days!
I didn't intend for this post to be so negative. I was going to end it by saying something positive and happy! But then half way through I decided to write what I actually feel in this moment. And while I am actually surprised at how blessed I have been this past year, I think it's okay for me to admit that I'm sad right now too. Even though I'm not sure sad is the right word...because I'm not sad, I just don't feel like celebrating? Because for the first time, my birthday will be just another day for me, and I think it's ironic that it happens to be the one I've always looked forward to.
And because I've been going through old pictures like crazy...
23 years on this earth is blowing my mind.