29 October 2014

Baby Woes

If you've been around for a while, you're probably aware that my Mattie and I have been trying for a baby for (what feels like) quite some time now. I do not want a ttc (trying to conceive) blog because there are other so many other people and bloggers who have been trying for WAY longer than Matthew and I, so it wouldn't feel right. But even though I don't want to blog about it full time, I do like to offer small glimpses into our experience with this every now and then.

Side note: This is my mom, a labor and delivery nurse, with the first baby she delivered all by herself without a doctor last week! The family wanted this picture, but I had to cover up the sweet little face because of pesky laws and such, haha! I thought it went with this post so I wanted to share...back to me!

Our ttc efforts have shifted over the past couple months or so. I felt like I needed a break from this every month (which is 100% accurate btw), so we stopped "actively" trying. My biggest problem is that sometimes my body fakes me out during the tww (two week wait) by giving me fake pregnancy symptoms before my periods, (symptoms I have never had before, mind you!) and then I can't help but get my hopes up. The last time my body did that and I was sure I was pregnant, my period decided to be two weeks late. No amount of negative pregnancy tests could tell me I wasn't pregnant (my mom's HCG was low in the beginning of her pregnancies, so it was technically possible) and of course that was the biggest let down ever. That was a few months ago when we decided to give it a rest.

Since then, I've stopped expecting it to happen, and simply assume that it will be a long long time from now. This has been making me a little bitter, if I'm being honest. When I find out couples are expecting now, I announce matter of factly "Welp, I don't like them anymore." Haha! I know, I know, I know, it will happen when it is supposed to - seriously I get told alllll the time. It doesn't make the wait any easier though!


I think being around kids actually helps. My little's at church actually make me feel better every week. Most of them are super lovey and give me lots of hugs. This past Sunday, two of them kept cuddling up next to me...and I'm not sure if it's appropriate to let them do that or not, but I think I needed it. Sometimes they even say random things about how one day I'll have a baby in my tummy (I've never told them I'm trying to make that happen, btw) and when they say stuff like that, its so different than when adults say stuff like that - it melts my heart!

I'm fully convinced my first baby will be a girl. Part of me feels like I know her already, and ALL of me is in love with her already. It hurts that I don't have her yet, but I know she will be worth the wait. 

12 comments

Kaileigh said...

My personal opinion is that you should never feel like what you are going through isn't hard because other people have it worse. It's important that you recognize that, but any feelings you have are valid! It took my husband and I a year to conceive, and I know that by the 3 month mark you are kind of starting to worry a little bit! And even though I'm pregnant now when people tell me that they got pregnant first try or by accident I still get angry! (Although of course I'm happy for them at the same time!)

Also, the month I got pregnant I was convinced I wasn't because I had zero symptoms, so much for the symptom spotting!

I hope it happens for you soon and it seems like you have a really good attitude about it.

Lex said...

I like what Kaileigh said in the comment above... "you should never feel like what you are going through isn't hard." It IS hard because it's something you are probably thinking about every.single.day. So here's me sending some hugs (and a giant fist bump) your way! You got this!

c a n d a c e said...

Oh my goodness, Laynah friend. I'm so sympathetic to your feelings. We are also in the midst of "trying" and all of those horrible let-downs. I think maybe it's even worse since my husband had children with another person (ex-wife) right when they wanted to... no wait. So it almost makes it TOTALLY MY FAULT. Never apologize for talking about what ails you & never say your trials are "less" - because everyone has their hard things and it sucks no matter what. I love you and I will be sending positive baby vibes your way!!!

Brittany Sanchez said...

Thank you for sharing this with us. We too, began trying and my hopes were so crushed last week because had such a similar experience. It's normal for my periods to be irregular so I didn't think anything of it on day 35, but then all these symptoms started kicking. Things like nausea, exhaustion, weird cramping, breast tenderness, etc. I felt that I must be pregnant. I allowed myself to get so caught up in that belief that I even went to the doctor after 3 negative tests to try to prove that I was. I was heart broken that they told me I wasn't and I cried for 2 days. I can totally resonate with you and your feelings...it seems as if every time I log into facebook someone else announces they are pregnant. It hurts, it's hard, and so discouraging, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone on your journey. I will continue to pray for you as guys work to having your own little! You're going to be such an amazing momma, I just know it! I send you all of my love! -Brittany

Crystal said...

Thank you for sharing. I totally relate to what you are feeling. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and actively trying for about year. I am so tired of the pregnancy-test roller coaster and my body's constant fake-outs. I also get the bitterness when people around me continue to get pregnant so easily. It's frustrating - but it's nice to know I am not alone. Here's to hoping our turn is right around the corner!

Elena Ridley said...

As one of those active TTC bloggers that you mention, I praise you for opening up about this because if I am one thing, it's an advocate for spreading the word about infertility. 1 in 8 couples are infertile, if you think about that in terms of people that you know, groups of friends, family, etc.that's a huge #, but you don't hear much about it. let's change that! I pray that you don't have to go down the road that we have had to, but if you do, know that there are many of us out there and we are all in support of each other. the TTC community is a beautiful thing. thank you for sharing!

Kimberly said...

My heart breaks for you. I remember when you mentioned wanting to have a baby and so I think about it a lot and try and send good vibes your way ;) I know how it felt to see so many of my friends get married and to just feel so heartbroken that I couldn't have that and there was nothing I could do. Thankfully my story has a happy ending and yours will too!!

Whitney M. @ The Married Me said...

Ugh! I so feel you. Knee deep in the 8th month and it gets no easier. It's such an emotional rollercoaster. Talk about trying for a married couple. It's hard to ensure this brings my husband and I closer and not farther apart. I try to enjoy this time of waiting as extra time to enjoy my husband all to myself , but honestly during my period it's so very little comfort.

I'm taking this month pretty loosely in an attempt to ease the stress. When you feel like trying again I highly suggest reading taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's helped me become so much more knowledgable about my body and I'm now fully loaded with helpful information to take to my doctor in December if we aren't pregnant yet.

Lauren | Peach State of Mind | said...

I love the first comment. Never feel bad about how you feel. You're brave for sharing this story. Although my husband and I aren't trying to have a baby, I understand your struggle completely. Stay strong and stay positive. :)

ashleynicole @ [real life, real love] said...

a;siejfal;skdjf worst ever.

I'm sorry it still hasn't happened for you guys :( I totally get what you said about "not liking them anymore!" Haha I know it's unreasonable, but it is just difficult to see EVERYONE having babies and announcing pregnancies and announcing SECOND pregnancies. Rough stuff. But it will happen for us both! Someday . . .

(Sidenote, how AWESOME would it be if we both got pregnant at the same time and we just happened to decide to tell each other when me and Russ come to Cali to visit you guys? Haha that would be cool.)

Marjorie said...

I'm glad you shared! You'll be in my thoughts.

Rachel said...

I know just how you feel - it took my husband and I 2 years and 4 months (and 3 IUI's and 1 miscarriage!) to conceive our angel baby! But you know it's true HIS timing is perfect - I appreciate her so much more now and when times are hard (babies are HARD on you and your marriage) I know that I am still so thankful to have her here. She came at the PERFECT time to have a bff cousin 3 weeks apart from her in age :) God is good!!!! -♥- Rachel (For the Birds)

Copyright © 2014 Rose Gold & Ringlets | All Rights Reserved | Blog Design By: Kailyn Marie Designs