If you've been around for a while, you're probably aware that my Mattie and I have been trying for a baby for (what feels like) quite some time now. I do not want a ttc (trying to conceive) blog because there are other so many other people and bloggers who have been trying for WAY longer than Matthew and I, so it wouldn't feel right. But even though I don't want to blog about it full time, I do like to offer small glimpses into our experience with this every now and then.
Side note: This is my mom, a labor and delivery nurse, with the first baby she delivered all by herself without a doctor last week! The family wanted this picture, but I had to cover up the sweet little face because of pesky laws and such, haha! I thought it went with this post so I wanted to share...back to me!
Our ttc efforts have shifted over the past couple months or so. I felt like I needed a break from this every month (which is 100% accurate btw), so we stopped "actively" trying. My biggest problem is that sometimes my body fakes me out during the tww (two week wait) by giving me fake pregnancy symptoms before my periods, (symptoms I have never had before, mind you!) and then I can't help but get my hopes up. The last time my body did that and I was sure I was pregnant, my period decided to be two weeks late. No amount of negative pregnancy tests could tell me I wasn't pregnant (my mom's HCG was low in the beginning of her pregnancies, so it was technically possible) and of course that was the biggest let down ever. That was a few months ago when we decided to give it a rest.
Since then, I've stopped expecting it to happen, and simply assume that it will be a long long time from now. This has been making me a little bitter, if I'm being honest. When I find out couples are expecting now, I announce matter of factly "Welp, I don't like them anymore." Haha! I know, I know, I know, it will happen when it is supposed to - seriously I get told alllll the time. It doesn't make the wait any easier though!
I think being around kids actually helps. My little's at church actually make me feel better every week. Most of them are super lovey and give me lots of hugs. This past Sunday, two of them kept cuddling up next to me...and I'm not sure if it's appropriate to let them do that or not, but I think I needed it. Sometimes they even say random things about how one day I'll have a baby in my tummy (I've never told them I'm trying to make that happen, btw) and when they say stuff like that, its so different than when adults say stuff like that - it melts my heart!
I'm fully convinced my first baby will be a girl. Part of me feels like I know her already, and ALL of me is in love with her already. It hurts that I don't have her yet, but I know she will be worth the wait.