27 April 2015

My first blaaaaate

Or bleekend, if you want to get technical? Anyways, I am so pumped for my first. ever. meetup. With a blogger. Who I have never met in real life! Okay, so I'm a little nervous too lol. 

My blog bestie (Ashley) and I recently decided that after a year or so of online communication, we were ready for a blate! So we're meeting at the halfway point between our homes and apparently we are both very confident that we will like each other, because we will be staying together in Vegas for a whole weekend! My coworkers think she might try to murder me, but I feel pretty comfortable about it lol. 

^ Not a murderer

At first our husbands were invited but mine was dragging his feet a little because 1) he has never met them and 2) he isn't super social in the first place, haha! But even he feels comfortable with me going alone so we agreed to make it a girls weekend.

And NOW we have to decide what we are going to do for the time we are there. Which Vegas shows are appropriate and worth seeing? I'm pretty interested in Tournament of Kings because I really like Medieval Times and I guess it's similar?

Are the Jabbawockeez cool? I remember seeing them on TV and loving them but I don't know how a whole show would be. What about magic shows, are there any good ones? I've seen Jeff Dunham movies and liked them but I don't know if he would be lame live? I've never really spent any substantial time in Vegas, its always been just driving through or maybe staying the night on road trips. 

I'm usually not a planner at all when it comes to vacations but I want to make sure we have a solid list of options because its coming up soooon :) Any help would be appreciated! And wish me luck because I'll probably need it with my social awkwardness that seems to come and go haha!

20 April 2015

National Infertility Awareness Week

So this week is national infertility awareness week, and it gives us a great opportunity to share our stories and show support for the TTC community. The fact is, infertility is a lot more common than everyone most people are aware of because one in EIGHT couples have struggled with it. That pretty much guarantees that a few couples you know have struggled with this and never even let on... but why don't we talk about it?! I recently experienced some shame regarding my infertility issues and I blame it 100% on the fact that we just don't talk about it enough so the people who DON'T struggle with it can be pretty ignorant. I didn't want to share this story because it hurts, but I definitely believe the more we talk about it the more informed everyone will be and the less misconceptions there will be. 

First of all, I understand that it can be difficult to know what to say to someone trying to conceive. That’s why don’t bring it up to people who I am not close to. I’ve found this blog very helpful for this purpose because I can vent all I want and there are no awkward silences, nobody feels like they HAVE to respond or even read it, and the only ones who do respond are usually those who have been through it or are currently going through it – which is very encouraging!

Secondly, I understand that I will get pregnant in God’s time. It’s a big misconception I think some people have, they automatically assume I’m distraught when I tell them how long we’ve been “trying”. Incorrect! Yes, this has been a struggle but it is a God-given struggle and I am GRATEFUL for it. I feel God’s love and I know that He hasn’t given me infertility issues because He is punishing me, or because He has forgotten me. It’s the opposite. This is something that has brought me closer to Him because He is the only one who can calm my fears and I have truly learned how to hand over my worries and trust Him in a way I never have before. It’s terrifying to not know whether this is going to last two more months or ten more years or forever, so I am completely blind and the world just can’t comfort that. Just because I get scared sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t believe His timing is perfect.

That being said, every single day my faith and my fears both struggle to make their voices heard in my head. Most days it’s neck and neck, because apparently I still need more practice. I know that I am the one who is ultimately responsible for choosing faith, but it really does help when somebody says something encouraging…and in the same breath, it’s so easy for fear to win when somebody says something discouraging!

Like I said, there are only a select few that I open up to…Matthew mostly, my mom and dad, my in-laws sometimes, and my close friends are the main ones who I feel comfortable with. I expect them to understand (maybe that’s unfair?) because they’ve supported me from the beginning, and I definitely let my guard down around them. That’s why hurtful words regarding infertility from someone in one of these circles feel so much worse than hurtful words from a casual acquaintance. Here is how a conversation I recently had went:

I said “You know, that’s a great name. I would definitely put that on my list of potential baby names.” My friend’s face got all weird and in my head I thought: Dang…does the name suck?? Then she squirmed in her seat and said something I couldn’t hear, and when I asked her to speak up she said “Well…Maybe you and Matt can adopt one day?” (The first thing was not that many words…)

Now, it may not seem THAT bad, but it hit me that in this persons eyes, Matt and I have zero chance at having babies of our own!! I was so embarrassed by the pity I felt from her and I wondered if she thought of herself as more of a woman than I am because she was able to carry and have babies…for the first time I was embarrassed by my infertility, like it was my fault. My heart honestly broke.

I need to remember that this friend was trying her hardest to be as encouraging as she knew how, but I feel like I was doing really well and this just knocked me back a few steps. It honestly hurt so bad it took me a week or so of healing after it was said and done before I was able to get back to where I was. That recovery took emotional energy that is so valuable for someone struggling with an emotional issue.

For the record, if you are ever in a position to talk with someone who you know is trying to conceive and you struggle with what to say, a safe bet is “You will be such a great mother when your time comes!” That is both encouraging, and a compliment all in one, so it’s the perfect go-to. Or, as in the case above, just say “Yeah that’s a great name” and move on. Because I don’t want to be forced to reevaluate who it’s safe to open up to. 

17 April 2015


Good grief, what a week! What a joyful, busy week! Yesterday my brother in law Preston married his true love Rebekah in the Los Angeles Temple. These two are truly a match made in heaven, watching them and being a part of their day gave me butterflies and I definitely teared up more than once. Love is so beautiful! The professional pictures are sure to be AMAZING (had such a long chat with the photog after the reception, mad respect for her and her work) but all I have for now is one professional teaser and a bunch of iPhone pictures. 

^ Can you even?!

Sooo many congratulations to the happy couple, who are FINALLY done waiting to be together forever! They are going to knock this marriage thing out of the park.

14 April 2015

Birthday Girl Pictures

Ummm. Family photographers might have the hardest job in the world, haha! I'm exaggerating, but dang, kids are hard to take pictures of! Every shoot I do is a new challenge and this one was no different. My favorites are the one of her exploring and finding ladybugs.

10 April 2015

Easter 2015

I can't believe its almost been three weeks since I've blogged! All the summer events we've been looking forward to are rushing up so quickly...Sara's shower this weekend, Bekah and Sara's joint endowment sesh next Wednesday, and then P+B wedding on Thursday?! I can't beliiiiieve how fast that went by! Mind. Blown. There is so much happening and it is all so happy and exciting, can't complain one bit. 

Easter. was. amaaaazing! We spent it at my family's house because I missed my littles so much. Ohhhhh these little loves of mine. I can't even tell you how happy they make my heart. By littles, of course, I kind of mean bigs because most of them are taller than me by now...insert photo evidence from three years ago, when they all started to pass me up. See how quickly you can find the oldest cousin, haha!

Anyways, back to Easter morning. First we had breakfast, then conference, then our nice long drive over to see family. That drive is always so relaxing for me, having Mattie all to myself with no phones or TV or anything to distract us from each other.

Worth mentioning: I wore my new fave earrings. Excuse the lack of smile but this was take 22... you just gotta stop at some point even if its not exactly how you want it haha!

Then once we got there it was more conference, food, and lovin on my littles. It kinda breaks my heart that they are all grown up now. I don't even have anything to regret because I honestly spent every single second I could loving them while they were little, but its still bitter sweet. Tweens are okay, but I only have one left in that magical age of childhood where you can have whimsical conversations, cuddles, and stare back into those adoring eyes that still think you are superstar-level cool (I will NEVER get enough of age 2-6. Never never ever!!) This here is my very. last. one. I realized on Easter that the next little girl I will get to love on will probably be my very own and it honestly hit me like a ton of bricks, not knowing when that will be. Thank goodness for this one though, I was so grateful for my time with her! I love this picture because she's the caboose to my engine. We are the bookends of the cousins on my side of the family, and we are clearly holdin' it down - look at all that sass! Haha. 

^ My brother and Daddy

Later, while I was kicking Mattie's booty at tether ball (jk he won) he lost his wedding ring! Looking for a wedding band in all those wood chips really did feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack, but I guess you could say it sharpened our skills for the egg hunt. My dad ended up being the one to find it, and shortly after that everyone was rewarded with the actual egg hunt. We hid, they found, it was great. And that was that! Easter done right! It was the best weekend we've had in a while, seriously doesn't get much better than conference and lots of family time.

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